She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
