The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
