I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
