ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
