Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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