can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
