A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
