I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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