Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
