i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Soap is not a condiment
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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