Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
