Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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