You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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