How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's great music for shaving your balls
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
