Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
