just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
