do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
