i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
