mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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