you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
