Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
