Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
