The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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