Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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