I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
