Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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