My friends, they love my intelligence
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
