please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
