Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
