i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
