As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
