My sheets look like a crime scene.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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