u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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