I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
