This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
