I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
