i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
