I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
