Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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