so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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