I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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