life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
