I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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