Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
