So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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