Don't make out with my wife yet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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