I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize