Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
