Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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