We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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