**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize