I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
