I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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