Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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