saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
