I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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