i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
