Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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