I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
