am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
