If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
