every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize