ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
