is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
