I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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