Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize