Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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