WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
