fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
false alarm. still invincible.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
