After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
