the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
