i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he fucked my hip out of place.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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