I cockslap morals
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize