This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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