I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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