Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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