you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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