dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
