So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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