Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
