dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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