so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize