after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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