Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
