i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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