I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize