be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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