He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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