I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
