I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
