He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
