Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
