dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
