just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
