I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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