I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
