Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
