Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
