Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
nutella sex= disaster
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
