i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
