someone threw a dead crab at me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
