And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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